2.28.2011

On the Benefits of Making Mistakes

Last week, my boss and I discussed my 2010 job review. I wrote a few pages, she filled out a rating sheet, and then we sat around and talked about how awesome I am. No, I'm not kidding--she actually used words like "awesome" and "fantastic" and phrases like "you're so good at X, Y, and Z" and "I couldn't be happier"! Needless to say, I really enjoyed it--it's always nice to receive positive praise in exchange for a lot of hard work!

In my "narrative" portion of the review, I wrote mostly about how difficult it was this year to gain the depth of knowledge that I needed to do my job well. I also wrote a little bit about how I struggled to improve my communication with my boss by learning when to ask questions and what questions to ask.

But it's what I didn't write about that's been on my mind this week: the benefits of failure. I'm a perfectionist by habit, a terrible nitpicker who hates to let projects go. I used to think that my perfectionism made me a careful, detail-oriented, conscientious worker. I used to think that it made me a better writer, a better baker (well, that one might actually be true), and a better person.

But now I just think that it means that I'm afraid to make mistakes and have other people see my failings. It means that some part of me believes that I have to work harder and have higher standards than everyone else just to be a valuable, productive, and likable person.

But at this job, I've learned to let go of some of my perfectionism--I've had to. When I first started, I knew so little about my department and its processes and its many (many, many, many!) aspects that my days were riddled with mistakes. I had to let go of my perfectionism just to stay sane.

But I was also able to let it go in part because I began to  develop a meaningful rapport with my director. During my first months on the job, I was terrified whenever I had to tell her I had made a mistake. I thought that whenever I told her there had been a typo in an advertisement or a forgotten email or a misdirected student that she would think that she had made a terrible mistake in hiring me. I thought that each mistake would mean that she would consider me unfit to write emails or work in an office or even live in civilized society!

But, in time, I learned that telling her honestly about those mistakes actually improved our relationship. Now that she knows that I'm willing to fess up to my mistakes and learn from them, I think that she has more respect for my integrity and character: she knows that I can admit a failing and willingly start again with her at square one. My mistakes strengthened our bond because I know that I'm allowed to be human and fallible at work, and she knows that I'm consistently upfront with her about my work and its results.

Though I wasn't looking forward to writing or discussing my annual review, it turned out to be a valuable exercise. Naturally, I'm pleased with the feedback I received--hey, who doesn't want to see a row of check marks beneath a "(5) Excellent" column?--but I'm more pleased with what the process has taught me about myself, work relationships, and the benefits of letting perfectionism go.

6 comments:

holybovine said...

Congratulations! It sounds as if you have had a successful first year and deserve high praise. My eval is this afternoon. I don't look forward to that yearly exercise at all. The comments are the same year after year as my job duties remained the same year after year. However, with a new postion here in the office, it should be different next February. Have a great second year!

Lesley A. Owens said...

Thanks, Hollyce! I can see how it would get dull hearing the same stuff year after year. :/ But the new eval should be something to look forward to next year, at least!

Good luck this afternoon (though of course you won't need it)! :)

Anonymous said...

Truth be known.....KU hires only THE BEST!!! You two are perfect examples and all praise is totally well deserved.......everyone knows it takes a Village to raise a College to the ranks of excellent!!! xoxox JKO

Anonymous said...

Hey I look at it THIS way...THEY are LUCKY to have you BOTH!!! WHAT's NOT TO LOVE....You're Collett's right??? Congrats to you Hessie Mae! Keep up the good work! Can't believe you've already been there a year by the way! LOVE YOU!!!

Anonymous said...

Lesley Anne -

You make us so proud, as you always have. I have always preached that "honesty is the best policy", and, you just keep up the good work! Love ya - G'ma

Mrs. E said...

I can't believe it has been a year. Does it seem that long to you?

Somehow, I can't see you being anything but a spectacular employee. : )