Employed.

Yup, I have a job.

It only took me ten months, eight interviews, half a dozen informational interviews, and at least thirty job applications, but I did it, and good golly I'm proud! And I'm moving back to Lawrence, which makes me happier than pretty much anything ever. So basically I feel like this right now:

Go, panda, go!

Here's what I learned from my long, long job search:

1. Relationships are important: At several of my interviews, I felt like I said all the right things and had all the right answers. Did I get those jobs? No. What job did I get? The one where I had fun in the interview. My future co-workers laughed at my jokes and I laughed at theirs, and I was impressed by their intelligence and energy. I liked their questions, so I answered them well. Ultimately, we wanted to work together, so now we're going to!
2. "Work" is a relative term: I wasn't appreciative of most of the job titles, job descriptions, and salaries I saw on-line, at least not until I started working at the cafe. That's when I figured out what real work was. My feet ached, my head pounded, and I was in bed every night before eleven. And, even though I was nearly full-time, I still didn't have health insurance or enough money to live! After that, I realized how lucky I was to have the opportunity to earn my living with my mind, not just my hands.
3. There are many ways to be happy: Despite its more grueling aspects, I love my cafe job. I love my co-workers, and I like how high-energy and physically demanding the job is. I like the choreography of working the line, how we all learn to weave smoothly between each other and prepare dishes with an unthinking, almost instinctive grace. I know, I know, it sounds over-the-top, but I'm being serious! I'm good at being a line cook, and I'm glad that I know that about myself. I can be happy making food in a restaurant, and I have a talent for it, just like I have a talent for writing poems and doing marching band drills. So maybe there's a second career as a trained chef waiting for me in the future!
4. Tangents are okay: I had a hard time finding a job. So what? I also got to develop a blog that I now love. I learned HTML and CSS and SEO. I learned how to bake bread and cinnamon rolls and make cafe mochas and cappuccinos. I got to teach Othello to a fantastic group of business students, some of whom had never read Shakespeare before. And I got to experience the restaurant business first-hand. I could never, ever say that these months have been wasted.
5. The (mental) readiness is all: After grad school, I felt entitled to a job. Not a great job, just a job, because I was smart and nice and responsible. But around February, I realized that nobody owes me anything. Nobody owes me their attention, their good will, or their employment. The only thing that could earn me anyone's attention, good will, and employment was being truly willing and eager to work hard. Somehow, during my time at the cafe, I went from thinking like a student ("Give me a task to do and I'll earn an A!") to thinking like an employee ("Give me a chance to put my nose to the grindstone, and I'll impress you this week, next week, and next year. And I'll out-think the next guy to help you and your company grow, all while building my own knowledge and career.").
6. I am not my job: I felt awful about not having a job for a very long time. Part of it was hating the boredom and the constant horror of job applications and interviews and cold calls and emails. But most of my self-loathing came from considering myself a failure. Working at the cafe made me realize that I could still be me and have a good time even while I mopped floors and plunged toilets and sliced croutons. It taught me that I am not my job, or my lack thereof. Success is not the result of succeeding at one limited task (finding a full-time office job), and it doesn't come with any set job title or a salary. It's about feeling like myself and following my gut and finding a way to do something I love every day.